


My Vince

by heckalecki



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Self-Harm, Slightly - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, daddy!howard, depressed vince, like i havent decided how much, trigger warning, vince has daddy issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:16:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5894230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heckalecki/pseuds/heckalecki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vince's depression spirals out of control and he needs Howard more than ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

Howard looked concerned as he stared at Vince. The sunshine kid’s aura was all wrong. He was dragging his feet around and an uneasy frown set on his face whenever he thought Howard couldn’t see him.  
“Have you taken your meds?” Howard dropped as carefully as he could. Vince had been diagnosed with depression when he was a teenager and Howard had found him… well Howard had found him in a state he didn’t want to remember. They rarely talked about his medication. Two tiny tablets a day but he was on quite a high dosage. Normally Vince had no trouble taking them; he knew they helped him so he took them without a second thought. But then there were days like these, days that would drag into weeks.  
Vince didn’t reply, a deep shade of scarlet bruising his face with embarrassment. Howard moved from where he was putting away Naboo’s cauldron and sat next to the younger raven haired man who was curled in on himself. Vince closed his eyes when Howard placed a careful hand on his back. “Is there something the matter, little man?” He said as lightly as he could, still some hope that Vince would spin around and huff that he didn’t make the cover of cheekbone magazine but instead he was met with a shrug and a sniffle from the electro boy.  
“Do you think I’m crazy, Howard.” A small broken voice said, sounding nothing like his Vince. Howard sighed, not this again. Vince only asked things like this when something bad had happened that Howard didn’t know about. Like the time he’d swallowed a whole bottle of painkillers and the time he carved an ‘X’ deep into the palm of his left hand. Vince gulped and scanned over him discreetly checking he didn’t have any obvious injuries.  
“You’re not crazy, Vince.” He said firmly, his larger hand still resting on the smaller man’s shoulder. “Is there something you need to tell me…?” He probed gently, starting to get increasingly worried. Vince looked guiltily at his lap and sniffled more. He pulled an empty glass bottle from his pocket, one of Naboo’s potions.  
“It said it’d make me skinnier but now I feel poorly Howard and all the voices are back…” He said, his voice breaking and big tears escaping his blue orbs. Howard’s heart smashed to a million pieces and he looked alarmed at how pale Vince had become. Before he had time to do anything Vince had doubled over and was retching onto the carpet. Vince had thrown up on the carpet before, normally after heavy drinking or too many hash cakes, every time Howard would call his a berk before cleaning him up and putting him to bed with a telling off, this time was different. There were speckles of red in the sick and Howard started to panic. He grabbed the bin and set it in between Vince’s knees feeling useless.  
“Let it all out, sweetheart.” He cooed softly, it was rare they called each other pet names outside of the bedroom but this was a special situation. Vince continued to vomit until he was retching and nothing was coming out. Howard stayed by his side stroking his hair before running to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water and a cloth. “Drink this.” He mumbled as he crumbled an Alka Seltzer into it. Once Vince’s raw throat had given up on gagging, Vince lay back on the sofa and cried. He cried and cried, until all that would come out were tiny whimpers and coughs. Howard held his hand and pressed the younger man’s face into his shoulder as he rocked him slowly, trying to calm him.  
“I’m s-sorry ‘oward.” He hiccuped like a child who thought he was in trouble for falling off of the swing. Howard shhd him and held him close, abandoning his ‘don’t touch me’ rule so he could comfort his best friend. He carried Vince to their bed and tucked him in, putting his water on the bedside table and sighing softly, he pressed a loving kiss to his forehead as he stroked the sweaty hair from his eyes.  
“We’re going to talk about this tomorrow.” He warned softly, not wanting to upset the already startled man. Vince sniffled in reply and Howard went to clean the carpet. Naboo and Bollo got in from clubbing relatively early and Bollo grunted a goodnight whilst Naboo stood and watched Howard clean.  
“Did Vince eat all my weed again?” The shaman lisped. Howard sighed and shook his head. He threw the cloth in the bin and flipped on the kettle before turning back to Naboo.  
“He had another episode.” He said in a deep northern accent, not daring make eye contact. He knew Naboo would want to know more, he was very fond of Vince and he would no doubt want to go fuss over him. Naboo tilted his head on the side as if to ask him to carry on. “He drank one of your potions,” Howard started and Naboo rolled his eyes and sighed,  
“I knew it; I should never have given the ballbag a key to my cabinet.” He grumbled but Howard knew he was just concerned.  
“He drank a potion he thought would make him skinnier. He ended up throwing up all over the carpet and into the bin for half an hour.” He sighed. “I don’t think he’s been taking his medication.” He admitted to Naboo and as the kettle whirled it all became too much and he sat down on the sofa, put his head in his hands and sobbed quietly. Naboo put two mugs down on the coffee table, the clinking of the ceramic made Howard raise his damp and blotchy face. “Thank you, Naboo. Sorry for crying.” Naboo looked a little uncomfortable but tried his best to hide it.  
“It’s alright, Howard, he has us all worried sometimes. The potion won’t harm him, it just induces vomiting so he might feel a little sick for a couple of days. As for not taking his medication…” The short shaman started, taking a sip from his mug. “That might.” He said calmly. Howard nodded and sighed, setting his empty mug down before heading into the bathroom to do his teeth; once he was done he slowly pulled back the covers to their double bed and slid in next to Vince. His arms snaked around him and pulled him in closely, his nostrils filling with the smell of sweet shampoo and root booster. He heard Vince stir momentarily in his sleep before nuzzling down on his chest gently. He looked so peaceful in Howard’s arms, so happy.


	2. 2

Howard woke up at 6 am and gently peeled Vince’s thin arms from around his chest and neck, he heard the younger man grumble and turn in on himself, and he rolled over onto his left side and faced the wall. Howard smiled gently at him and rubbed his back, he could see his spine jutting out a little more than normally and frowned, had Vince been eating? The mess of black hair was spread out on the pillow like a halo and once Howard was sure Vince was 100% asleep again he got up and headed out to the kitchen.   
No one else was up yet, that was Howard’s favourite thing about waking up so early. He turned on the kettle and got a mug, it was a Sunday so the shop was closed. No doubt Naboo and Bollo had left for some shady shaman business earlier that morning. He checked the short man and apes room and just like he expected found it empty. The kettle boiled and he brewed himself a tea, normally he would have made Vince one too but he felt the electro ponce deserved some sleep.  
He sat down on the sofa and stared at his type writer but nothing came to mind. Finishing his tea he stood up and headed to the bathroom to check the small organiser that Vince kept his medication in. It was under bottle after bottle of hair product and had the labels on the top of the boxes corresponding to the days of the week and the times he should take them. Vince would forget his head if it wasn’t on his shoulders. He opened up the container and squeezed his eyes shut when he saw this week’s meds were still there. He sighed and took the box into the kitchen.   
At 9am a sleepy Vince appeared from the bedroom in his boxers and vest. He shielded his eyes from the light and headed to the shower, Howard brewed him a cuppa whilst he washed. Half an hour later his hair was finally done and Vince returned to the living room in skinny velvet trousers and a practically see-through blouse. Howard smiled fondly and handed him his mug before giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek, hovering next to his ear, “You look beautiful.” He said softly and leaned back to Vince giving him a small unconvincing smile. “It’s nearly 10 so it’s time for you medication.” He said, giving up on pretending he didn’t know what was happening. Vince cast his eyes down and a small frown settled on his face.  
“I’ve already taken it.” He said in a small cockney voice. Howard reached over to the counter and picked up the box, opening the morning’s section,   
“Oh, have you? Is that why it’s still in here?” He said and looked at Vince who continued to stare at the ground, completely still. “Don’t you see how serious this is?!” He snapped, he couldn’t help it his worries and stress was letting itself erupt. “You’re ill, Vince! You need your medication to function, why haven’t you been taking it?” He said forcefully. Vince was silent and Howard noticed his whole body starting to shudder with sobs and shakes. “Vince…” He mumbled quietly. The younger man broke down completely, loud sobs racking through his body as he tried to take large gulps of air in.  
“I’m s-sorry I’m sorry ‘oward, I’m so sorry this is all my fault, I’m a freak I know I am…” He sobbed and Howard took a step forward, engulfing the younger man in a hug as he continued to sob.   
“Hey now, Vince. It’s okay, love.” He said gently and squeezed him carefully, aware of how small he was. “Let’s sit down on the sofa, hey?” He said in a soft and understanding voice and led him to the living room. Vince refused to remove his face from the inside of Howard’s jacket as he sobbed like a child. Howard had overcome how awkward he used to be and continued to hug the man. “Why didn’t you take your medication, Vince? I promise I won’t shout, I’m sorry for shouting earlier.” Vince sniffled and shook his head but after a bit more gentle encouragement on Howard’s part, he eventually pulled back a bit so he could speak.  
“They were making me gain weight.” He mumbled quietly, patently embarrassed form revealing it. Howard scrunched up his face in disagreement.  
“No they bloody weren’t. You’ve been on fluoxetine for what, ten years now? How could you possibly think all of a sudden it was making you gain weight?” He said in disbelief. Vince shook his head and wiped his nose on his sleeve, still managing to look pretty despite the blotchy tears and running makeup.  
“I read it in cheekbone, there was a column.” He revealed and inwardly Howard cursed that bloody magazine. He ran his hands over Vince’s side.  
“That’s bullshit, Vince. That whole magazine is just fashion mumbo-jumbo, come on, you’re better than that.” He said and finally seemed to be getting through to Vince.   
“So you don’t think I’m fat?” He said, starting to sound more like himself. Howard shook his head,  
“No Vince if anything you’re smaller than ever and that’s saying something.” He sighed and poked gently at his ribs, Vince grunted in disapproval. “Will you have some breakfast if I make you Nutella pancakes?” He said in his soft voice he reserved for the sickly sweet words they shared in bed. Vince looked up under big wet lashes and sniffled with a nod and a small smile appearing on his face, looking more like Vince by the second. Howard smiled and made a point of putting his pills by his cup of tea and not leaving until Vince had taken them.   
He felt a weight lift and started over to the kitchen getting the Nutella out of the cupboard when there was a shattering behind him, the mug lay smashed on the floor and Vince slumped over on the sofa passed out. Suddenly the weight inside him dropped like a lead balloon and fell to the pit of his stomach.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry haven't uploaded in a while, also there may be mistakes as it;s 1 am and im very tired lol, thanks!

Howard spun on his heel in time to see Vince collide head first with the table. “Vince!” He shouted before running to the younger man who was now passed out on the carpet with, no doubt, a bruised head. Howard gently moved him so his head was resting in his lap and turned him on his side in case he needed to vomit. He checked his breathing and let out a shaky sigh of relief when he found it was steady, he fumbled around in his pocket for his phone, wanting to call an ambulance when Vince meekly twisted in his arms. Howard felt a tear drop down his cheek and gently pushed back Vince’s hair. “Vince? Are you okay, little man? Do you feel sick?” He rushed and breathed heavily. Vince looked up under hazy eyes and with scarily pale skin.  
“I’m f-fine, Howard…” He mumbled uncertainty. Howard frowned, not convinced when it all started to come together, when was the last time Vince had eaten?   
“People don’t just faint, Vince.” The Northerner sighed and didn’t let the smaller man sit up when he tried to. “When did you last eat?” He whispered and Vince wouldn’t meet his eye, his bottom lip wobbling. Scared he was going to start Vince crying again, Howard sat him up and pulled him onto his knee as easily as if he were a small child. Vince curled in on himself and leaned against Howard’s chest taking shuddering breaths. “Have you been eating under 800 cals a day again?” He said as calmly as he could. Vince and Howard rarely ate together since Vince was always out and usually preferred strawberry laces to mash and sausage, Howard’s favourite. Vince nodded shakily and took a deep sniff in before covering his eyes with his trembling hands. Howard’s heart went into overdrive. His love, his electro ponce, his Vince was sobbing like a baby in his lap and Howard wanted to squeeze him until everything was better but instead all he could do was coo softly into his ear and whisper gentle words to him until the younger man was no longer hysterical.   
“So-sowwy.” Vince slurred through tears and snot, finally calming after half an hour of tentative rocking and touches from Howard. “You deserve better, Howard...” He mumbled and Howard began to protest before Vince continued, “You deserve a boyfriend who doesn’t make himself throw up after a packet of smarties and doesn’t have a suicidal episode after getting mocked on the bus. You deserve a girlfriend really, someone like Mrs Gideon but better. Not some lady-boy you’re with out of pity.” He said and Howard gasped as Vince seemed to believe himself.  
“Vincent Noir!” Howard said sternly and turned the boys chin to face him. “Don’t you dare speak of yourself that way! Don’t you bloody dare.” He was panting with anger, his whole face red. “You are all I could ever want, you’re all I’ve ever wanted, Vince. I love you, Noir, so don’t do this to me, okay? You’ve been fighting this for ten years and you’re not going to give up now.” He said finally, still breathing hard, nose to nose with Vince, whose mouth was for once, tightly shut and whose blue orbs were wide open and damp. Howard closed the distance between them with a chaste kiss and released Vince’s chin.   
“Now, you’re going to eat this bleeding Nutella pancake or so help me, I will come at you like a northern bullet.” The statement was said with no laughter but complete seriousness and Vince nodded before Howard helped him up and onto the sofa. They were in silence until Howard sat next down next to his lover with two plates, two Nutella pancakes on each. Vince reluctantly took one and stared down at it glumly. Neither man spoke; Howard gently slipped his calloused hand into Vince’s bony one and held it carefully as he took the first bite, watching Vince mirror his own eating. Eventually Vince finished and even though Howard felt like throwing his hands up in celebration he settled on a small smile and kiss on the cheek before taking the plates and broken mug back to the kitchen.   
“So what do you want to do today, little man?” Howard asked, much more cheerfully than earlier. “Topshop? A movie of your choice? You could show me all your hair products again?” He said with a gentle smile. Vince frowned,  
“Have you gone wrong Howard?” He said with a timid grin. Howard felt his body relax, that was his Vince. “Why don’t we watch Labyrinth, it’ll be genius!” He concluded cheerily, but nowhere near as happy as he usually was. Howard nodded and smiled, a little concerned he didn’t jump at the Topshop idea but maybe he just wasn’t ready to go out yet.   
“You go and pop it on then, I’ll just tell Naboo to open up shop.” Howard said and disappeared downstairs. Vince let the smile on his face falter slightly before going to the bedroom and changing into soft pyjamas Howard had got him. They were mint green with pastel yellow lightning bolts on them and were enormous on Vince. Howard had teased Vince, saying he looked like his “Baby Boy” in them, Vince had blushed and not laughed, and had instead given him a coy smiled. He settled down on the sofa and resisted the urge to purge the breakfast he had just forced down. He pulled on warm bed socks and turned the film on, smiling as Howard came and lounged next to him. Vince practically climbed into his lap during the first five minutes of the film and by the time Bowie was singing, Vince was well and truly cradled in Howard’s strong arms, sniffling emotionally when the film ended.   
Howard had been more focused on Vince then Bowie and smiled fondly down at the smaller man in his arms. Vince noticed and yawned quietly, sniffling again and not bothering to remove the thumb that was lodged firmly in his mouth. His eyes were heavy and his breathing deep. “Are you alright, little man?” Howard whispered softly. “Would you like to go to bed?” It was hardly mid-day but they’d had quite the emotional morning. Vince closed his and mumbled,  
“Yes, daddy.” Around his thumb, before his eyes flew open, utterly mortified and staring into Howard’s surprised face. Vince looked like he was trying to process something to say before Howard just scooped him up and shh’d him gently, carrying him to bed.  
“Don’t you worry about a thing, little man.”


End file.
